Guilt

Something I have struggled with a lot in my life. Not always about food but sometimes. I've been into watching "The Biggest Loser" since season 1. We (Ted and I) even joined "The Biggest Loser Club" online last year. We both lost a bunch of weight. Then one of my best friend was diagnosed with breast cancer and that changed everything and 15 of those pound I lost came back. I hate the whole dieting thing...the weighing, the measuring, the reading of the nutrition facts of everything before I put it in my cart at the store, the increased prep time...need I go on. But sometimes its just time to take a stand! And now is the time for me. I'm not going back up a size I refuse. So this week I am making the commitment to do the diet thing in the hopes that the diet thing will become my regular thing and it won't be so hard. My stomach won't growl so much and that my pants size will return to single digits. So tonight I watched "The Biggest Loser" guilt-free because I had this for dinner:

Wohoo...four point dinner! Thanks for the tip on the bread Misty! It's totally saving me!

My sweet babysitter, Mary, lost over 60 pounds on WW last year and gave this to me tonight to start me on my journey. She almost made me cry...she just gave these to me and said, "Here...do good! I know you will!" I just love her.

Let me tell you that little calculator thing is just my style! Total nerd here and probably have more calculators than any one person needs. Happy to add this little one to my life.

I've been running a little over three weeks and watching what I eat over that same time. I officially started counting points last weekend. So far I'm down 4.5 lbs. Yeah! This is when I start to get nervous. Will I get obsessed with this whole thing again? In college, I got very addicted (the best way to describe the dysfunction it became) to weight lifting and exercise in general. I way over did things and was very, very thin. I pretty much lived on steamed chicken and lettuce. I was not anorexic but I was skinny. So much so that when I see pictures of myself now I look like someone that has been ill for a long time or something. It was not healthy and I was not a very happy person.

I'm definitely in a much better place than I was at that time in my life. But occasionally the memories resurface and make me wonder if I could ever let it get out of control again like that. Guess maybe I should lose more than 4.5 lbs before I start worrying about being too skinny!?!?!;)